Agostina, born in Santiago del Estero and adopted within days of birth,
reveals in her story a search for identity, connection and gratitude,
showing the emotional complexity that surrounds adoption.
My name is Agostina,
I’m 29 years old and I’m an adoptee. I was born on June 29th., 1989, in a town called Monte Quemado, which is located in Santiago del Estero province.
When someone asks me for how long I’ve known that I’m an adoptee, I answer that I’ve known since the day I was born. I even think I’ve known since I was inside my biological mother’s womb.
My adoptive parents’ story is a hard and difficult one. They went through some very tough times. My mom got pregnant twice but lost both babies. I often think that it was destiny (in fact, I believe that it was destiny or the universe or whatever you believe in) that put me in the path of my Dad Daniel and my Mom Marga (that’s how everyone who knows her calls her). We needed each other.
I arrived into the arms of my Dad and Mom after only a few days of being born. And until today, as crazy as it may seem, I remember some moments back in Santiago. I don’t know if they are my memories or just images I created due to conversations with my parents or due to photos I saw, but these moments are in my memory.
At home, we always talked about my adoption in a very natural way, and my parents always told me my story. In addition, they told me how they experienced the entire adoption process, the anxiety they had just before meeting me for the first time, their fears of becoming parents, the need to protect me that they felt and above all things, the love and family that they wanted to give me.
Adoption, for me, is an act of love on both sides. But it’s not only that, since I consider that in the midst of love, one goes through millions of feelings such as suffering, losses, insecurities and I can continue to enumerate.
It’s amazing how much I look like my dad. Of the many similarities we have, the features of our faces stand out, and I can’t help but mention that we’re both left-handed. Besides being similar to my dad, I am still surprised to this day by the fact that I am very similar to my cousin Paola. Anyone who saw us together could think we are biological sisters. Perhaps these are the reasons why people never told me: “Oh, but you don’t look anything like your parents” (statement that many adoptees are often told). I never had to explain or tell my story due to a comment like this one.
A couple of months ago I started reading the book “La Hija”, written by Florencia Alifano. I’ve never read a book that fast. Her story caught my attention and obviously, somehow, I saw myself reflected in it. A few days after finishing the book, I contacted Florencia through social networks and told her how much I liked her book and the thousands of questions and uncertainties it had also awaken in me.
At that same time, I was going to therapy and I began to talk a lot about my adoption (something I had never done with other psychologists in my life). I told my psychologist about Florencia’s book, and we began to work on my fears, my abandonment issues and several other things that, in my opinion, are part of being an adoptee.
In a key session with my therapist, I realized that I want to meet my biological mom. So, I made the decision to look for her. That same night, after that session, I sat down to talk with my parents. I told them about Florencia Alifano’s book and what I had talked about with my therapist. I feel that… that moment, that conversation, marked a before and after in my relationship with them (100% positive). I describe it as THE MOMENT THAT THE 3 OF US NEEDED AND WERE WAITING.
They told me my story again as they had done a million times in the past. But this was the first time that I paid a lot of attention to every detail. We talked for hours. We went over details and more details, including the name of my biological mother: ‘Agustina’. Yes, just one different letter from my name. They also made it very clear to me that I have their support in absolutely everything I decide to do. I told them about my wish to begin the search for my biological mother, without even knowing how or where to start. They helped me, guided me, and contacted people who might have information. Today I know her name and her approximate age. With this information, I am trying to move forward. I’m still looking for her, with whatever I have, and always with a lot of faith.
I hope that destiny, the universe, and life will help me to get to know her, so that I can thank her for choosing life and for choosing my parents.